Paula Spencer Scott of Caring.com recently posted an article that talks about “How to Get Your Loved One to What you Want.” It jumped out at me at first because after all, why would I want my loved one to do what I want – it’s about what THEY want, isn’t it? But as I read on, I discovered that the article is not about “bossing around” your parent, it’s about helping them decide the best answer to an issue when they may have their defenses up or be resistent to making significant change. This becomes particularly evident when remaining home is no longer a safe environment for a parent. They are resistent to assisted living in Phoenixville and nothing you can say or do will help them understand where you’re coming from… or is there?
In How to Get Your Loved One to Do What you Want Paula Spencer Scott provides 5 ideas that can help your parent see your side of things a little more clearly. They are listed below and for more information, visit the link above:
- Employ a secret weapon in gaining consensus: empathy. Sometimes people need to express their fear and anciety before they can “hear the facts. Being empathetic diffuses negativity. It underscores that your loved one’s feelings come first.
- Ask questions rather than issue commands. Instead of telling your loved one what to do, ask his or her opinion. This may go against the grain if there’s really not any question in your mind about what needs doing (taking a bath, for example!). But investing a few moments to be considerate, not condescending, will earn cooperation.
- Appeal to a third party — even if it’s only in theory. Your loved one might not care to do something in order to please you — but often there’s another motivating person out there you can invoke to help build your case… a doctor, a religious figure, a sibling, or an old boss. This approach can be particularly powerful if your loved one has mild cognitive impairment.
- Break the task into manageable parts. You’ll get more cooperation if you’re seeking something down to earth rather than asking for the moon.
- Save commands for emergencies only. People will tune out commands if they hear them too often, but sometimes the onlyl way to get someone to do something is by taking a firm and insistent stance. This only works sparingly, so should be used when it’s imperitive they listen – taking medication, not driving, etc.
While these ideas can be used in everyday life, it’s important to consider them when going through the process of finding assisted living in Phoenixville. The transition from their long-time home to a community environment can be scary, stressful and everything in between. Ask questions about their daily life to help them put into words how difficult their daily life can be alone. Be empathetic of their desire to stay home throughout the process but don’t be afraid to bring other people into the equation whose opinions your parent trusts. Break the move into manageable parts and considering having your loved one move in to a respite apartment for 30-60 days while you sort through the home and decide what to bring. Save the command “You MUST do this” for an emergency like a fall or hospital stay.
I would be lying to you if I said it was an easy process to go through – it’s not… But if you keep a calm head and surround your family with people who are in agreement and supportive of the move, things will move forward a little more smoothly. And don’t forget that we’re to help, too. If you’d like to discuss what’s going on with your family, please call me at (610) 933-7675. I’m happy to provide some guidance, support and information on how Spring Mill can take some of the burden off your shoulders.
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